The Butuan Aftermath

I have finally come to a place to write my last official blogpost about the trip to the Philippines. After a crazy trip home and me contracting an even crazier eye infection (not fun), some recovery - physically, emotionally, spiritually - I feel ready to write this last post.

As I shared consistently throughout the trip, I fell deeply in love with Butuan and the Philippines. Being in missions from birth, literally born on a YWAM base, I have experienced many trips, projects and people that I've been in contact with in my almost nineteen years of life. Each time I loved fully and a piece of my heart was given, as I choose to live wholeheartedly in the spirit. This often means your heart breaks and it hurts often, but that is a worthy sacrifice when then given an opportunity to love! 

That being said to add some context, I have never ever experienced as deep a love as I have when I was in Butuan. It was unreal! The two weeks consumed me fully with love and passion, and then the pain that followed in leaving hurt far deeper than normally. My heart broke when I left, and I will long to return until I eventually do return. I was in no way ready to go back to Frankfurt, even though I have nearly always spoken positively about it and do in many ways love it and have made it my new home. 

The last few days already caused my heart to begin to crack, and I cried on each of those days before heading back to Germany. Though Sunday was a day of wonderful celebrations! We celebrated the 3rd anniversary of Kingdom Life Butuan, and a bountiful harvest. The work put into this event was just astounding once again. How many volunteers came together to work on this event, and just how beautifully it all came to be. The beautiful fruits are already seen when it comes to Kingdom Life Butuan!

Everything done by the team and congregation was clearly blessed and anointed, I just know so many lives were touched by all the work of joyful hearts that went into these items all together.

We were also able to celebrate the talent of Yrah Lee with many of KLB family even after the long event. She was fantastic! The Regalas are truly bless and annointed, and I'm so glad to have met them. I also incredibly enjoyed the time we had with them and some other close people on the last day, going to Britannia Islands.

Though those few days were filled with great joy, I could still feel my heart break each more. I cried during each goodbye, and I cried so much that the one air hostess even asked me if I'm okay and needed anything (Jesus thank you for kind people). It was one of the most difficult goodbyes I've ever had. 

Now after a few days of (forced due to eye infection) rest, I have done a lot more processing of everything. My heart still breaks at not being in the Philippines right now, but I am also truly choosing to be positive about my home in Frankfurt and the incredible opportunities I have there - because there is so much to be grateful for. 

My unique upbringing again blessed me in allowing my heart to have many homes, and I'm glad that Butuan is now one of those homes. I cannot wait to return!

Through the Eyes of a Child

Saturday // For whatever reason, I found it really difficult for the first time to fully experience God's presence. I just couldn't get into the space that I'd been getting into the previous days, where it felt like I'd get lost in another realm when experiencing the love of Jesus, and it took me a while usually to adjust back to reality. But then, I struggled and I felt a heaviness.

At some point during the morning service, this beautiful little boy came up to me and just laid his hands on my legs. He held my hands during worship and just cuddled up to me, looking up at me and repeating the word "Gwapa" (which means beautiful), over and over again. This interaction melted my heart, and God showed me the awe He has for me and His children. 

I spontaneously decided to join the kids program as Aris shared in the main service, and then the Spirit led me to teach them songs and lead the lesson, though this just felt like a normal and natural thing to do. Only later did I realise the impact it may have had. At the end of the service the children sang the "I am special" song I taught them. I realised again they blessing it is that Jesus would use me to show the worth they have, that they belong to Him. My heaviness was realised and I felt a gentle touch of Him.

Thereafter we shared an incredibly delicious meal with Pastor Berwyn and his family, and I enjoyed how we all had the opportunity to share hearts with each other. Liberty, Pastor Berwyn's wife, prepared some sweet things we reminded me of treats I would have back in Cape Town. Oh, this trip has really made me feel at home but made me feel homesick all at the same time.

One of my favourite parts of the trip was going to Ambago to work with the kids. They made it home for me in many ways, and there "don't forget me" comments hit my heart in every direction. All I wanted was to stay with them. I love them.

God showed me His love and was faithful on a day that I felt I couldn't feel Him. His love never fails.

The evening ended with some preparations for the KLB anniversary, and I just enjoyed every moment with the wonderful people I've built meaningful relationships and friendships with. They have my heart and how I wish I wouldn't to always be so far from them. My heart now has another home.

My Unique Upbringing

I found myself yesterday continuing to reflect on the blessing I've had, and how I was fully equipped by how I was raised. Naturally I could never ignore my convictions, that what breaks my heart could never be ignored, because how I saw my parents go after that. I could never sit back and do nothing, because I have a knowledge of the need of the world. My heart breaks and therefore I must do. 

But what I'm learning more about myself in this time is that my pastoral heart and my heart for preaching had fully been encouraged too by the leadership of Pastor Richard Maybery. The way he called out my purpose in me before I could even see it. We had plans to go to India together and he always told me he was training me to be his next pastor, though at that time I just thought it was funny. From a very young age he challenged me with theology and books that most six year olds probably never would have access to it, but he would sit and explain it to me until I understood. He believed in me before I saw what he believed.

I remember the crushing feeling of knowing I'd never have that trip with him, that my whole childhood of training with him felt like it had gone to waste. I wish he could see me now. I hope he would be proud to see me preaching and doing what he encouraged to me to do what he does in the Philippines. 

Going to the tribal churches and having the opportunity to preach and meet the people, I can preach and lead from my heart as if I'd been doing it my whole life, because of my unique upbringing. I'm continue to be grateful. 

Christina also was able to preach yesterday at one of the churches, and we were both blessed by the openness of the members. Their hearts and ways.

My day, with Andreas, ended with a challenged of trying Bulat with some of my KLB friends after a Facebook comment thread. I'm always willing to try something because I want to fully explore the culture, but yesterday was really a sacrifice. A sacrifice was worth it though to continue building the wonderful friendships I've made. 

Bountiful Blessings in Butuan

During this week I was astounded by all the impactful experiences I was having each day, how each day was filled with missions work and being His hands and feet. At some point we asked Pastor Roszel about the program they had put together for us while in the Philippines, only to realise that this is how they actually live their everyday lives. That we get to come along and live what they live each week. If that doesn't put things into perspective, I'm not sure what else will. That we get to come here for two weeks and join during our missions trips, but they are living their missions calling each and every day of their lives. Whoa.

Now I'm an avid believer that your everyday experience is your mission field, and that Jesus can equip you to be a "missionary" still in a sense with each simple task you complete. But I must say nothing really leaves me quite as alive as I am when I am living the missions like I'm living now. It would give me great pleasure to serve like this constantly, but I also know that my studies and getting my degrees is incredibly important to me to have the papers and qualifications to fully reach and impact the lives of the people I want to work with. Yes, God equips us, but I want to be able to study and know all the laws and ways to fully know and be able to help. To have those qualifications to be able to have the open doors and opportunities to do more. I hope that one I have them I would even be able to be able to be employed to do therapeutic trips for my music therapy - God can make a way! 

A few of the girls who I've formed a with will constantly ask me to please stay in the Philippines, or at least promise to come back. I'm careful not to make promises that I may not be able to keep, but I do tell them that I would love to come back. They even added they would try find me a husband if it would mean I could stay. All you can really do is smile. Though a dream is that one day I will be joined to someone who shares this heart like I do, because I don't think I could live with someone who didn't. Who couldn't give me the space to live my calling.

Yesterday was filled with absolutely  anointed church services. From the house church where Aris shared, and from being given the blessing for me to preach in the Butuan main church, to a service dedicated just to the kids, and ending with the best youth service I've probably had in my life. 

I could probably write pages about each of those services and how anointed they were. God's presence is so incredibly powerful and taken up by all their hungry hearts. I am feeling Him on such a raw and deep level, and I cannot get enough of it. 

The day was bountiful with blessing, and I cannot begin to express my gratitude.

Mother of Nations

When I was ten years old I was prophesied over according to my name. Not only about it's meaning, God is my teacher, but also how like Abraham who travelled to the land of Moriah I would be a mother of nations. A rather intense word for a ten year old to receive and I didn't really know what to do with it.

For some reason I hadn't been reminded of it until I was preparing for Sunday's preach again yesterday. That what I'm doing right now is part of fulfilling the promises God had given me, and how humbling it's been. I feel deeply connected to myself at this point because I know I'm busy living what God called me today.

Yesterday's full day started with home visits. I love how Kingdom Life Butuan serves its community and church, and how they truly are an example of kingdom living. From prayers to prophecies being spoken over it's members, I strongly felt Jesus guide all the wonders that happened. Alongside Him reaffirming the passions and desires of my hearts. I feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to be planting seeds for the kingdom of God. 

I mention often that I live and love deeply. It's easy for me to fall in love with a country - it's culture, ways, and people - in a heartbeat! I also truly mean it. God has given me a deep ability to love and i wish nothing but to continue to live that out.

That love and word spoken over me came into full play when we worked with the street kids, leading them again with ministry. They broke my heart as they asked me never to forget them and to please stay, and honestly I wish I could stay in many ways and I know I would never forget them. How could I? They now have a piece of my heart that I would never be able to return.

This day ended with fellowship with wonderful leaders of the church who too have my heart. I cannot help but repeat how much I am in love with the Philippines, because I truly am, and I'm continually given reasons to fall deeper. Including a massage that converts to only 5€! The overflow is truly here in the Philippines (haha). 

Honestly, I will probably hurt when I have to go home, even though I love Frankfurt too. But I already know at some point I will have to find my way back to Butuan.

Building Kingdom Culture

On Tuesday evening we spent time with KLB's core group, teaching them the essence of what it means to live the kingdom life. It was wonderful to see how the truth was setting them free as they received spiritual revelation of their identity in Christ. Having come from a more traditional background that still teaches progressive sanctification and essentially salvation by works, we showed them that we are sanctified the moment we are joined to Christ because we are joined to the Holy One who is our Righteousness. It was an amazing time as we literally witnessed veils being lifted off their eyes. Hallelujah!

Yesterday we spent the morning and afternoon with the core group and continued to teach them the essential values of Kingdom Life that form Kingdom culture, which are:

Belong - Faith - Alignment
Relationship - Love - Purpose
Identity - In Christ - Union
Devotion - Worship - Service
Expectation - Hope - Kingdom

In the afternoon, after treating everyone to a Bo's coffee, we taught the group how to minister in the Spirit, showing them how to pray for people in such a way as to make room for the Spirit to do His work and colabouring with Him. It was a powerful time as God ministered to each of them as we demonstrated how to pray for others.

We then had a couple hours break before we went to visit pastor Jonathan's church in the evening. As part of their weekly prayer meeting, we were invited to minister to them. During the worship I received a prophetic word for the people and shared
a message about how God sees us and that we must learn to live for the audience of One. The Lord's presence was tangible and many were deeply ministered to during the sermon. It was a very special evening and I praise God for speaking right to the core of the needs of the people. God truly sees us and knows what we need.

Testimonies of God's Grace

Today was another wonderful day in the Lord. The word has spread and over 120 leaders attended today's prophetic leadership conference. A Free Methodist seminary professor cancelled his class and brought his entire class to the conference because he heard about the revelation God is pouring out upon His people. In the morning we continued to look at the nature of the prophetic and after a tasty lunch (including a whole pig and a birthday cake for me), we gave people the opportunity to testify about what God is doing in their lives and what has really spoken to them. We spent over an hour listening to stirring testimonies of what God is doing during this conference. Some testified that they were about to give up the ministry but God has so encouraged them and so strengthened their faith that they have recommitted their lives to His call. The Lord is really enlightening the hearts of the leaders with spiritual revelation and everyone is being revived by the Word and the Spirit - it's more than I could ever ask or imagine. Glory to God!



After the testimonies I taught on "Building Kingdom Culture" and how the leaders can apply what they have learned very practically. The feedback is very positive concerning the simplicity of the communication and the clarity of the messages. God's grace is evident and we are rejoicing in God's revelation to us.

"...this grace was given to me: to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery..." Eph. 3:8,9