The Butuan Aftermath

I have finally come to a place to write my last official blogpost about the trip to the Philippines. After a crazy trip home and me contracting an even crazier eye infection (not fun), some recovery - physically, emotionally, spiritually - I feel ready to write this last post.

As I shared consistently throughout the trip, I fell deeply in love with Butuan and the Philippines. Being in missions from birth, literally born on a YWAM base, I have experienced many trips, projects and people that I've been in contact with in my almost nineteen years of life. Each time I loved fully and a piece of my heart was given, as I choose to live wholeheartedly in the spirit. This often means your heart breaks and it hurts often, but that is a worthy sacrifice when then given an opportunity to love! 

That being said to add some context, I have never ever experienced as deep a love as I have when I was in Butuan. It was unreal! The two weeks consumed me fully with love and passion, and then the pain that followed in leaving hurt far deeper than normally. My heart broke when I left, and I will long to return until I eventually do return. I was in no way ready to go back to Frankfurt, even though I have nearly always spoken positively about it and do in many ways love it and have made it my new home. 

The last few days already caused my heart to begin to crack, and I cried on each of those days before heading back to Germany. Though Sunday was a day of wonderful celebrations! We celebrated the 3rd anniversary of Kingdom Life Butuan, and a bountiful harvest. The work put into this event was just astounding once again. How many volunteers came together to work on this event, and just how beautifully it all came to be. The beautiful fruits are already seen when it comes to Kingdom Life Butuan!

Everything done by the team and congregation was clearly blessed and anointed, I just know so many lives were touched by all the work of joyful hearts that went into these items all together.

We were also able to celebrate the talent of Yrah Lee with many of KLB family even after the long event. She was fantastic! The Regalas are truly bless and annointed, and I'm so glad to have met them. I also incredibly enjoyed the time we had with them and some other close people on the last day, going to Britannia Islands.

Though those few days were filled with great joy, I could still feel my heart break each more. I cried during each goodbye, and I cried so much that the one air hostess even asked me if I'm okay and needed anything (Jesus thank you for kind people). It was one of the most difficult goodbyes I've ever had. 

Now after a few days of (forced due to eye infection) rest, I have done a lot more processing of everything. My heart still breaks at not being in the Philippines right now, but I am also truly choosing to be positive about my home in Frankfurt and the incredible opportunities I have there - because there is so much to be grateful for. 

My unique upbringing again blessed me in allowing my heart to have many homes, and I'm glad that Butuan is now one of those homes. I cannot wait to return!

His Seeds

Friday // Galatians 5:25 was put on my heart months before coming to the Philippines, and now has been a recurring theme when being here. "Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." God has been doing that in my personal life, giving me my own revelations. But it's even greater to see how God has been bring revelations to many in our time here and I know He will continue to bring revelation to those who are here.

We started our day travelling again for about one hour to Pastor Zabala's church, where Aris shared a message on Jeremiah 29:11. It is wonderful to see how people rejoice in worship and fellowship here, regardless of what the congregation or church is like. People are ready for prayer and are open to any words of faith which may come, and are quick to respond to what the spirit says. The culture here is warm, friendly and hospitable. They are willing to give so much away, even when they have nothing, but they are afraid to ask. I really felt heavily on my heart for them that God wanted to show them that they shouldn't be afraid to ask God for the desires of their hearts, because God is the very one who put those desires on their heart. 

I remember feeling like I didn't really need to have too much faith on my own, because of the missionary home I was raised in I felt like I could depend on my parents to pray for all our needs when there needed prayer. I later realised that I also didn't pray specifically because I was scared of being disappointed. That maybe if I named exactly what I wanted to God that I would be incredibly disappointed after and that would cause a damage to our relationship. 

I remember the moment I realised this was last year when I was talking to my parents about my ticket to Korea and Germany, and how there still wasn't money for the ticket and for me a simple prayer just didn't feel enough, I felt like they needed to do more. I remember how my parents told me to have faith and trust, because God has always provided for us, and that I just needed to ask for it. I remember the aggravated feeling, and me feeling like I was going to get hurt - which is interesting in retrospect, because God had really always provided, even if sometimes I felt like I had less than my friends at school. God truly had provided, but again in that moment I felt like my dreams were going to be taken away from me because of lack of finances. This was a deep pain, because being in missions often means that there are ways we go without, and faith is a huge key in there being provision. 

I cried that day and my heart broke when I realised that I hadn't realised that I'd been depending on the faith and prayer life of my parents, with semi my own, instead of entrusting Him with everything. I prayed and named my hearts desires. The next day the money came in from someone covering not only ticket to Germany, but my ticket to South Korea and all my family's tickets to Germany. My faith has only been getting stronger since then.

To be honest, living abroad alone is really, REALLY difficult at times. I feel in many ways I have been thrown into the deep end of adulthood, besides the normal leaving Highschool and starting university. Suddenly rent, deposits, budgets and taxes have become part of my daily life (along with cooking, dad - you're the best cook). Providing for myself at eighteen requires a lot of faith too, as if something goes wrong and so far away from my family, it can be very daunting.

Two weeks before we left for the Philippines I had my hardest two weeks since I moved to Frankfurt, to the point that I just wanted to move back to Cape Town. The weight of what I needed to do and fix felt a burden I no longer could carry. I trusted God that when I was in the Philippines that He would give me a fresh light and perspective on everything in my life, because I didn't know how to continue.

Wow, is He faithful. I feel like this fresh and raw struggle gave me a much deeper authenticity to what I would share on, that I could empathise in a more real way. I felt and experienced everything even more deeply than I usually would.

For example, a moment shared just holding a child at the orphanage and having her fall asleep in my arms felt like a divine moment. Watching Christina lead them all in communion moved me. Hugging and kissing them all goodbye hit me. God shifting and moving. 

The evening was a time of fellowship with the volunteers who give so much to build the kingdom. They are incredibly faithful and diligent with what the Lord has given them. I am beyond blessed to have met them, they have taught me so much.

I am heartbroken to be away from them, but they played a role in my life, and I hope I to a point played a role in theirs. God planted seeds in my heart and I hope I have been faithful enough to sew them.

Heartbroken

I've attempted time and time again the past weekend to write another blogpost, and I was unable to bring myself to do it. I never comprehended that I would fall so in love with this city and this country, and each time I tried to start my heart would break into further pieces as I thought about leaving I would start crying. 

Well now I'm still crying, but at the airport as we prepare to board our possibly delayed plane to Manila and then to Hongkong, then lastly Frankfurt. Right now it feels though I will probably cry the whole trip back, but I also hope that I will get some rest. 

The more and more I reflect, the more and more I'm amazed how in such a short space of time that I would feel so at home and loved and make family. I am the type of person who feels everything deeply, and I knew it would hurt when I would leave, but this is a new level that I've never experienced before. I found family and friends, and I leave so incredibly blessed by the experiences, memories and relationships made. 

I will catch up and write posts about the last weekend still for the next few days, I just couldn't bring myself to do it just yet. I'm rather heartbroken right now, but I truly believe this isn't the last time I'll come here. My heart has a huge chunk which is being left behind here.

Bountiful Blessings in Butuan

During this week I was astounded by all the impactful experiences I was having each day, how each day was filled with missions work and being His hands and feet. At some point we asked Pastor Roszel about the program they had put together for us while in the Philippines, only to realise that this is how they actually live their everyday lives. That we get to come along and live what they live each week. If that doesn't put things into perspective, I'm not sure what else will. That we get to come here for two weeks and join during our missions trips, but they are living their missions calling each and every day of their lives. Whoa.

Now I'm an avid believer that your everyday experience is your mission field, and that Jesus can equip you to be a "missionary" still in a sense with each simple task you complete. But I must say nothing really leaves me quite as alive as I am when I am living the missions like I'm living now. It would give me great pleasure to serve like this constantly, but I also know that my studies and getting my degrees is incredibly important to me to have the papers and qualifications to fully reach and impact the lives of the people I want to work with. Yes, God equips us, but I want to be able to study and know all the laws and ways to fully know and be able to help. To have those qualifications to be able to have the open doors and opportunities to do more. I hope that one I have them I would even be able to be able to be employed to do therapeutic trips for my music therapy - God can make a way! 

A few of the girls who I've formed a with will constantly ask me to please stay in the Philippines, or at least promise to come back. I'm careful not to make promises that I may not be able to keep, but I do tell them that I would love to come back. They even added they would try find me a husband if it would mean I could stay. All you can really do is smile. Though a dream is that one day I will be joined to someone who shares this heart like I do, because I don't think I could live with someone who didn't. Who couldn't give me the space to live my calling.

Yesterday was filled with absolutely  anointed church services. From the house church where Aris shared, and from being given the blessing for me to preach in the Butuan main church, to a service dedicated just to the kids, and ending with the best youth service I've probably had in my life. 

I could probably write pages about each of those services and how anointed they were. God's presence is so incredibly powerful and taken up by all their hungry hearts. I am feeling Him on such a raw and deep level, and I cannot get enough of it. 

The day was bountiful with blessing, and I cannot begin to express my gratitude.

The Fullness of God

Today was the third and last day of our prophetic leadership conference. In the morning the Lord spoke to us about what it means to fear Him and how to honour His presence in our lives. After lunch we looked at Heb. 10:19-23 and the Lord showed us how to enter into the Most Holy Place. We then spent time in the Lord's presence and worshipped Him. The room was electric with God's presence and people began to respond to Him in various ways as He revealed Himself to us.

After a coffee break I asked everyone to sit next to each other in a large semi-circle so that after teaching from John 13 on Servant Leadership, I could wash everyone's feet, bless them and prophesy as the Lord led. I cannot explain in words what I felt as I ministered to these precious people, taking time to share God's heart with them. People wept and were overwhelmed with God's love for them. Many times I myself wept because of the Lord's compassion and had to wait until I could speak again to continue to share the Father's heart. After 90 minutes I had washed everyone's feet and the room was filled with God's love and tenderness. God did something in our hearts today that I will never forget! Jesus truly showed us "the full extent of his love" (John 13:1).

"I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Eph. 3:17-19

Baptism of Love

This morning I was invited to preach at a church that is associated with the Four Square Church that Treffpunkt Leben also belongs to. The church building has no doors or windows and is basically a sanctuary without walls. The pastor and his wife are good friends of Berwyn's and after a wonderful time of praise and worship (mostly in English) with drums, e-guitar, keyboard, bass and voice I was invited to bring God's Word and minister to the church. The Lord spoke to us about how Jesus has restored our intimacy with the Father and that we have access to know and experience the Father. After the Word I invited the people to come forward who were hungry to know God and experience more of Him. Many people came forward for prayer and as I began to minister to the people and lay my hands on them, the Holy Spirit came. I was not ready for what the Holy Spirit began to do because as I asked the Lord to fill His people and I prophesied the Father's heart, I was overcome with His compassion and aching heart for these people and I wept with His compassion. At the same moment the Father poured out His abundant love on those I touched and some began to weep, some shouted out as though they were being touched where it really hurts and God was healing them, some fell over with tears, some cried out as the Spirit released something in them. It was truly a baptism of love as the Father ministered to His children.

"God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit,whom he has given us." Rom. 5:5

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" 1 John 3:1

No human power nor human words could ever do what the Father did in the lives of these precious people today. I give Him all the glory and I praise Him for His overwhelming love for us!

I had it on my heart to teach the worship team some principles for worship so right after the church meeting I asked to meet with them. They came and so did 20 other children of all ages who also wanted to hear what I had to say. These people are so hungry for God! I then spoke to them about worship in heaven and how we have the privilege as citizens of heaven to bring God's Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. It was a very special time.

I then had lunch with the pastors and Berwyn and I continued to share the same principles with them as well as how to develop Kingdom culture. They were so excited about the revelation and are now eager to put what they have learned into action. Hallelujah!

After lunch we made our way to another Pastor's home and on the way it began to rain and I mean it poured as though a bucket of water had been tipped out over the Philippines. We travelled in a very crowded bus once again but this time the very poor folk were travelling on the bus who literally have nothing but the clothes on their back. A family was in the bus seated next to me with 2 twins and a 2 month old child, dirty and smelly and very hungry. Berwyn asked the bus driver to pass a place where we could get a few rolls for the babies and so he gave them some food. This family's home had burned down and they were telling us how they simply did not know what to do. My heart aches for these people and for the broken lives I am seeing every day. They so need the Father's love and proper social care.

On the way to Berwyn's parents' home near Butuan, I sat in the bus next to a young girl who asked whether we were born again because she had seen the lad who accompanied us with a Christian band around his wrist. Berwyn and I then told her we were indeed and that we were pastors and I began to prophesy over her and she began to beam from ear to ear. Our God is such an encourager! She opened up to us and told us how her mother is working in Dubai and her father is a drunk and doesn't work. It was a God encounter and she was mightily blessed by the Father. Hallelujah!

It's been another wonderful day in the Spirit and I am looking forward to tomorrow's first day of the prophetic leadership conference. Glory to God!

Let the little children...

Today I spent the morning with Pastor Berwyn, encouraging him and equipping him by giving him spiritual revelation and Kingdom principles - tools to work with to continue to build when I leave again. We then traveled to Mabini and had lunch at Berwyn's brother-in-law's home where he was celebrating his birthday with family and friends. We had a traditional roast pig and lots of sea food and I got to meet some more of the people in the community.

At 2pm we were supposed to begin the church service but Berwyn explained that in the Philippines it is common for people to come over an hour late. So the meeting "began" at 2pm with a room full of children on plastic chairs waiting for some action. There were about 30 little ones present so I began to play with them and very quickly had their complete attention. I then told them the story of Lazarus with all the actions I could think of as well as the story of Peter throwing the net on the other side of the boat and catching many fish. I was amazed! I had the children's attention for over an hour and was able to communicate that Jesus gives life and that when we depend on ourselves we will only catch one fish but when we depend on Jesus, we will catch a whole net full. It was a wonderful and most thrilling experience as well as a lot of fun and laughter!

At around 3pm the adults began filtering in and after a time of worship in song I preached and ministered to these precious people for over 2 hours. The Lord was present and the Holy Spirit touched the lives of those who came forward to receive from God. One man gave his life to the Lord and I prophesied over almost everyone, revealing God's compassion and love for these poor and broken people. The Lord affirmed and declared His abundant love to them and they were deeply touched and encouraged.

I praise God for His faithfulness and outpouring of love.

Tomorrow I will be ministering at another church and I am looking forward to what God will do!